Existance
by Jinx
Summary: Chloe story. C/C romance eventually. All Chloe wanted was to be perfect.


Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me and I'm not making any money off them.

Authors Note: This is a Chloe story, in WARNING, about an eating disorder. There will be possibly be romance, either with Clark or Lex. I haven't decided yet which. Please note that this is my first Smallville fic so please give me a bit of leeway on getting the hang of the characters. 

****

EXISTANCE

Chapter 1 - Perfection

Chloe Sullivan entered the busy cafeteria room, her eyes automatically scanning for her friends. A small smile crept onto her lips as she spotted the tall form of Clark Kent hunched over the too short table, eating his lunch. He was alone for once and Chloe was grateful for the opportunity to spend some uninterrupted time with her secret crush.

"Hey Clark, how goes it in the land of the tall?" Chloe flashed Clark her wide open grin as she slipped onto the seat opposite her best friend. Clark looked up in surprise at Chloe's abrupt arrival but smiled that sweet, shy smile that Chloe loved so much.

"Hey Chloe." He ignored her gentle teasing about his height, used to the ribbing from his diminutive friend. "How come you weren't in Maths this morning?" Clark asked, having noticed Chloe's absence. Chloe shrugged and started digging through her bag for the lunch that she was sure she had packed this morning.

"I had a dentist appointment." She informed Clark, still searching.

"Any cavities?" Clark grinned at Chloe's small blush that confirmed that she had indeed needed fillings. Chloe gave up on her search for her lunch and stood up, dropping her bag in the her seat.

"I forgot my lunch again. Guess I'm gonna have to make do with the stuff they serve here. You know I really should think about doing an expose on that coleslaw. I swear its not meant for humans."

Clark laughed lightly at Chloe's mini rant, having heard it all before. "Maybe the meteor rocks mutated it." He teased her about her main obsession.

"You never know." Chloe took it in good humour. "Watch my bag for me." She headed off to line up with a few of the other students who were eating the school food. Picking up a few dishes randomly, Chloe quickly made her way to the till where she paid for her food. She turned, balancing her tray carefully as she started to head back to the table where she had left Clark not more than 5 minutes ago.

The sight she saw stopped Chloe in her tracks for a few seconds before she collected herself enough to continue with her bright smile pasted falsely on her face. "Lana, hi." Chloe attempted to keep a cheerful note in her voice but it was strained to her own ears.

Lana offered a warm smile at the approaching girl. "Hi Chloe." The sweet tone in Lana's voice made Chloe feel bad about her dislike of the other girl. _It's not like I hate her or anything, if Clark would only stop acting like she's perfection personified I might actually like her. _She thought to herself as she slid back into her seat.

There was an awkward pause at the table as Chloe sat down and Chloe got the distinct feeling she had interrupted something. Nervously she ran a hand through her choppy blond hair wishing she had thought to run a brush through it before coming to look for Clark. 

"So…Um, you got anything planned for after school today?" Clark asked Lana, trying to break the tension. 

Lana looked up grateful for the conversation. "Oh, I'm going to start trying to organise the Spring dance. Do you want to help Chloe?" She eagerly turned her attention to Chloe, much to Clark's disappointment. 

Chloe raised an eyebrow at the enthusiasm in Lana's voice. "Uh, sorry but I have too much on with the Torch and everything." Chloe felt a small pang of guilt at the crestfallen expression on Lana's face. Lana couldn't really explain why she was so desperate to have Chloe as her friend. Maybe it was because Chloe was the only person in the school who wasn't falling over herself to be her friend. With Chloe a friendship would mean something. She wouldn't just like her because she was pretty and popular. Lana longed to have a real friend. Even Clark was infatuated with her.

"That's okay." Lana forced a smile on her lips. "Maybe another time, you know if your free."

"Yeah, maybe." Chloe said as she started to eat her lunch. 

"Hey Chloe can I have some of your fries?" Clark asked even as he helped himself. Chloe had to smile at him.

"Sure. You want some Lana?" Chloe offered politely.

Lana smiled graciously, a little embarrassed. "No thanks, I try not to eat greasy food. Fries, chips and things are so high in fat and I try to watch my weight."

"Oh." Chloe looked down at her plate. She hadn't even realised what sort of food she had picked up. Pizza, chips, chocolate pudding and soda. Not exactly an advertisement for healthy eating. Suddenly Chloe felt herself lose her appetite.

Lana saw the expression on Chloe's face and rushed to reassure the other girl. "Oh I didn't mean you shouldn't eat those things! Its just me - I - I'm not over fond of cafeteria food you know?" 

Chloe felt even worse as Lana tried to make amends. Clark gave both girls a brief look. "Lana's right Chloe, you shouldn't eat this stuff, its not good for you." Chloe looked up at Clark in hurt disbelief but Clark was paying more attention to stealing Chloe's fries. "Your have to be careful, don't want you to be short and overweight." He joked.

Chloe stood up and picked up her bag quickly. "Yeah, I gotta go." She said quietly. "Stuff to do." Without another word Chloe left the room.

Clark looked up in surprise. "Wha-?" He shrugged at Chloe's retreating form before turning back to Lana. Lana glared at Clark from across the table.

"I cant believe you said that to Chloe. I thought she was your friend." Lana's softly modulated voice was upset.

Clark looked confused. "What? Chloe's always teasing me about my height." He couldn't see what he'd said wrong.

"You practically called her fat Clark!" Lana said upset that Clark had probably made Chloe hate her for good.

"I didn't!" Clark denied with a short laugh. "Chloe didn't take that seriously, how could she? Chloe's tiny, she's never needed to lose weight." Lana stood and grabbed her bag from the floor.

"Just think a bit before you say something so thoughtless, alright Clark. I think you really hurt Chloe's feelings." With that Lana left the cafeteria leaving Clark sitting alone with Chloe's meal and a bemused expression on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chloe slammed the front door shut to her house and ran up the stairs to her bedroom, books clutched tightly to her chest. Chloe threw the books onto her large double bed where one bounced off onto the hardwood floor of her room.

"What a fucking horrible day." Chloe cursed in frustration. The tears that she had been holding back all day refused to come, now that they could in the solitude of her room. Chloe stood in front of her full length dressing mirror and stared at the reflection that stared back at her.

Jeans and a T-shirt with her usual long green belted cardigan. _Not exactly the height of fashion_ Chloe thought dismally. It was unusual for Chloe to care so much about her looks but being constantly compared to Lana Lang and found lacking wore hard. Clark's comment about her weight and eating habits had stung badly.

__

Maybe he's trying to tell me something… Chloe the thought painful. _Clark's too nice to just come out with it and say I'm getting fat so he's joking about it, hoping I'll get the message. Clark wouldn't say stuff like that it if it wasn't true._

Chloe shrugged off her cardigan and quickly stripped down to her underwear. She tried to look at herself in the mirror objectively. Chloe bit her lip hard as she saw herself. When was the last time she had really looked at her body?

__

My thighs are so… clumpy, right clumpy, another word for fat. Chloe told herself. She twisted around to look at herself sideways. Was her stomach a little bulging? Finally her eyes drifted up to her face and she saw the softly rounded cheeks and instantly thought of Lana's high defined cheekbones and delicate facial structure.

Chloe tried to smile into the mirror image of herself and watched as her cheeks spread and crinkled up her eyes. She didn't see her wide smile and straight white teeth or her pretty face that lit up with her grin. All she saw was the flesh moving and the fat she imagined underneath _Oh God…_ Chloe couldn't look at herself anymore. All her doubts and insecurities came rushing at her. _How much do I weigh?_ She thought almost frantically.

Quickly Chloe crossed her room to her en suit bathroom. A set of scales were in the cupboard under the sink and she pulled them out. Carefully Chloe stepped up onto them. 

106 pounds. Flashed at her from the digital display. 

Chloe stepped off the scales and sank down onto the floor, with her back pressed against the cool tiles of the wall. 106 pounds. The amount taunted her. _That's not too much is it? _ Chloe wondered_. I'm not that tall…106… I know I used to weigh less than that. When did I put on all that extra weight?_

Chloe thought about all the height weight charts. She thought about body types and body mass index. Everything she had ever heard, read or learnt about weight flashed through her brilliant mind. She was smart and she had an eidetic memory, a fact that not many people were aware of. Chloe had learnt at a young age that it was best to down play her intelligence. While Chloe knew that for her height 107 pounds was technically fine she also thought she looked too heavy. _Its how you look that counts. I look a lot heavier than 106._

__

I could have small/light bones. Chloe reflected. _That could explain why I look heavier than I actually am. I could also more fat than muscles, that would make me look fat even though its not really reflected in my technical weight. Muscle weighs more than fat._ Chloe rationalised to herself.

She pulled herself up into a standing position and tried to think clearly. _I could lose some weight. I could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. I would look better if I was a bit thinner._

Chloe smiled into the small bathroom mirror, picturing how she would look if she was a bit thinner. Maybe Clark would even notice and think she was pretty. Chloe ran her fingers through her shoulder length blond locks_. Maybe I should grow my hair out a bit as well. Get some new clothes and stuff…_ Chloe smiled again to herself_. Yeah. Its definitely time to sort myself out. I'm 15 that's not too old to turn myself around. I can stop myself from getting really big. It's a good thing I caught this weight problem in time…_

TBC.

A/N 2: I know that Chloe is a really strong character in the show but I also know that strong people can suffer from eating disorders. Please review if you want me to continue.


End file.
